Maybe So…

June 22, 2009

Chav’s

Filed under: Life In General — squ1r3ll @ 4:00 pm
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Ok now, a friend helped me a little bit with this one. I’ll put her points up first and then let myself loose from then on. This could go off the rails big style!

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‘… with the all-in-one tracksuits, made by Nike which some poor sodding child in Sudan has spent the last remaining hours of it’s life creating but, oh well, as long as it looks “bezzin” it’s all hunky dory.’

‘Oh, and the jewelry they wear too! Don’t even get me started on that.! “Yeah it’s real gold mate innit bear like, all the way from Nazareth.” For a start, they don’t have gold mines in Nazareth and you’re just talking “bear shit” because you probably don’t know where Nazareth is and it won’t be real gold either.’

‘… and you can always tell who the gf’s of these chav’s are, cause they look like Viki Pollard, you can spot their “real gold” jewelry that their bf got them from a mile away. And their orange faces; did your dad fuck a wotsit?!’

Now, even for my standard, this is pretty good. I mean, less swearing than I am used to but that will change. About… NOW! What the fuck do they think they are doing? Fucking with people. I hate those dumb motherfuckers that just love to make every ones life a massive, steaming pile of shit. Plus, their live f normally more of a steaming pile of shit than the poor shit whose life they are trying to fuck with. Silly clungefuckers. The tracksuits really do piss me off. It’s like a universal chav uniform. I mean, when I go out, I like to wear smart casual shit like jeans and a nice t-shirt but when these dumb motherfuckers go out, they wear these all-in-one tracksuits. Which make them look like n00bs. In fact, this is why all of the old faggots like to say ‘Oh, the youth of today‘ and they say it to the normal people. Well, I’m not normal by any stretch of the imagination but I mean to the non chav’s. And those poor Sudanese children. Slave labor really sucks and Nike should be shut down if this is true. Dumb shits.

The jewelry, oh the jewelry. It looks like my baby cousin made it out of the long pasta that you get and painted it gold. It sucks so hard. Most of the time they just buy it from Argos anyway. Not Nazareth. I agree, they don’t even know where the fuck Nazareth is. It’s the childhood residence of Jesus dumb asses. Although, these fuckers probably don’t even know anything about Jesus. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t exactly believe in him myself. I just think people should have some knowledge of religions so that they don’t just piss on everyone else’s. If you want more views on religion from me, check out my ‘religion post.’ You know you want to…

Anyway, chav girlfriends. They are just all fucking sluts and slags. Incidentally, check out that post ‘HERE.’ I will say that all of them don’t look like Viki Pollard, most are far, far worse. Fucking spots coming out of every millimeter of their body that they have had an EPIC MAKEUP FAIL whilst trying to cover them up. I feel like telling to not even bother because even with shitloads of makeup on, they still look as ugly as my left ass cheek. Slappers. Also, wotsit fucking is just weird as fuck. Why would you fuck a little orange piece of shit that most people just eat? Silly orange motherfuckers. How can they possibly think they look anything close to good with a face as orange as a fucking tangerine. It just looks fucking ridiculous and I don’t see how they can have the balls to go in public looking as shit as that.

Now onto some points of my own. What i also don’t get is how fucking hard they think they are. It does my head in. They are always going ‘Yeah, you want a fight mate? Yeah? You want some?’ The best thing to say to them then is ‘Yeah, go on then. If you insist.’ Because they will either make up some lame ass excuse about not wanting to stove your head in or they just won’t show. In reality, they are all just pussies. We all know it in our bell end of bell ends. It’s sad really. How come they can’t just be normal fuckers lie the rest of us. They have to ‘stand out‘ from the crown and make the rest of the youth of today look like tit fuckers.

I think I may have mentioned this earlier on but why the fuck do they have to spoil it for the rest of us. Like the shop down the road from me only allows two school kids in at one time. TWO! It sounds ridiculous but I can see their point. Back in the old days where any amount of dumb ass motherfucking school kids could go in, all of the chavs used to go inside in groups and one of them would buy something and the rest of them would all take a drink or a chocolate bar. I just kept on thinking why? Why the fuck steal something that’s only worth 60P anyway? It’s not worth getting nicked for. Just pay the 60P so that everyone else doesn’t think that your a complete dumb ass.

</rant>

As you can probably tell, the two of us fucking hate chavs with a passion. Surprise!

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June 17, 2009

Religion

Filed under: Life In General — squ1r3ll @ 4:00 pm
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Religion is most definitely a touchy subject but I feel that as a touchy subject, it needs to be covered on here…

The problem with religion is the simple fact that if you anger a dude from one religion, they get all of their bible buddies on you. (Interesting fact: the bible is the most shoplifted book in the world!) If these are muslims, you’re in trouble. Not to take the piss out of the muslims but they are a bit fucking extreme. You may be reading this thinking ‘I’m not an extreme muslim’ and this may be true. It’s not all of you guys. It’s just an over generalization that everyone in the whole wide world makes which is slightly sad really. Nobody in the world today can say that they fully accept the beliefs of all of the different world religions. The spread of ethical beliefs is so wide that you will probably disagree with one or another. Thus making you a dreaded non-believer of that religion! Oh no! A non-believer. To be honest, who cares? It’s just a religion. Realistically, it doesn’t matter because it actually doesn’t exist. You are talking about a ‘divine being’ up in the sky making decisions for us and fate controlling our every move and shit. There is no fucking God. I do, however, believe in the afterlife and maybe reincarnation. I would like to think that when we die we are taken up to a place between ‘heaven’ and earth and asked if we want to be reincarnated as a human or an animal or asked if we want to be sent up to heaven. This would be more like it as you get to make your own fucking decisions. Unless you have committed a serious crime like murder or rape or such things. Because, frankly, if you have raped someone, then you don’t deserve the decision. Plus, I reckon that there is actually no hell. I think it is distinctly possible that we travel up to some place beyond Earth but not all of the way to heaven (I just tried to find the name of it for you guys but FAILED miserably) and get our souls weighed and all that old time shit before we are either forcibly sent back to Earth or given a choice of where we go next.

I also remember a funny joke that went a little like this… ‘What happens one day when we are all lining up to see our God and we get to him and he just holds up a sign that says Tricked You! What would happen then? We just all go to hell? All of us who believed in that God anyway. Or would we just lie in the bottom of some mass for all of eternity, feeling every bug that crawls over us, every little bit of decomposing that we do? That would be some purely creepy shit. Something that, if I’m totally honest, I don’t really want to have to go through at all. Which is why I don’t really believe in a God. Heaven doesn’t have to be directly related to God, right? At least, I don’t think so… I hope not…

Then there’s all of the twisted fucks that believe in wired ass religions. Like the Holy Steven. If you’ve ever seen that CSI episode, good on you. It was very strange. Weird ass dude with his own religion decides to go out to the desert with his disciple. He tells his disciple to go back with his holy staff piece of shit and then sits down to meditate. Then, (SPOILERS!!!!!) a bird drops a turtle on the motherfuckers head to try and break it’s (the turtles) shell. Weird ass shit. Pointless episode but it was quite a good watch. Anyway, tangent city and all, those kind of people who make up their own religions and shit get on my tits. Who the fuck cares if they are Christ come again? They aren’t. Because if they were, they would have healed the blind and all of that shit and everyone would instantly convert to that fucking religion. Even with the major religions, why so many? It’s not like there’s millions of major religions but there should really only be one. Then, most of the human race could unite. But then there would still be the believers and the non-believers which may start some kind of fucking massive religious war. Which would be utterly pointless.

We all love Hindu’s right? Them Buddha’s are just so lovable. But everyone who isn’t a Muslim seems to hate muslims. Or at least dislike them. There is no point to this. Then, they just want to fucking kill us all for taking the piss. Seriously though, what is with those turbans? Anyway, we all know the Christian’s. The hardcore ones piss me off because someone who has never lived can’t come back can they? No they fucking can’t. Pisses me off to high heaven (no pun intended!). Fucking Jesus freaks. The normal ass Christian’s I have no problem with. They just have their principle beliefs like ‘Thou Shalt Not Steal’ and ‘Thou Shalt not Kill’ and all of that shit. Which is an alright set of moral codes to live by I guess.

Oh, and just as an afterthought, no Bon Jovi, you are not halfway there and you are most certainly NOT living on a prayer as I find that kind of hard to deal with…

</rant>

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