Maybe So…

June 15, 2009

Life Pt. 2

Filed under: Life In General,Rants — squ1r3ll @ 4:00 pm
Tags: , , , , , ,

Pt 2 is here. Let’s begin. Are you sitting comfortably?

<rant>

To start off with, fucking shopping. This is my new least favourite thing in the world. When the parents dragged me out shopping (to Wilkos, none the less) it really pissed me off. There is nothing there but shitty home furniture and food. I mean, yes, food is essential and furniture is actually not needed but if we had to live without either one of these, we would be fucked. It would be like living back in the caveman era. Then, we would probably have to rape our women because they would be too dumb to make the decision to fuck by themselves. We would also have no condoms! No condoms = lots of kids + many, many STD’s. Ok, let’s keep the food and furniture…

Another things that is pissing me off at the moment is kids. Fucking kids. By this I mean the ten years old and younger kind of kids. Anecdote for you; Today I was sitting in my relaxing spot (a tree by some tennis courts) which is normally deserted. Normally meaning that every once in a while a stoner will pass by but will never see me because nobody expects a dude to be sitting in a tree right? After being there for about an hour, some kids came next to it and started chatting shit. Like using swear words that they had just discovered. It was hilarious. Every time one of them said ‘fuck’ or ‘shit’ all of the others would piss themselves. There was about eight of them there. Enough to swamp me before I could pound them into the ground. Ten minutes later, they had started to piss me off even more. They had raised their voices and I was struggling to hear my iPod anymore. Very annoying. So I felt the need to make my opinions known as I normally do. They didn’t know that I was up there anyway so I called down ‘Shut the fuck up you little buttfuckers.’ Yeah, not the best choice of words but hey, I didn’t have long to think of anything. They literally shit themselves. It was so funny. But then they decided that it would be cool to throw rocks up at me. It wasn’t. I caught the fifth rock that they threw and lobbed it back at one of them. With gravity on my side, it hit him harder than I had wanted it to. He fell over and crawled away a bit. That was when the others stopped and tried to climb up the tree. Dumb twats. They were only small and as i have long legs it was easy for me to get up. Not the story for them though. Not one of them could get up. One threatened to call the filth (police) so I jumped down, rolled and walked away. They didn’t notice that I was gone until I was half the field away. They then knew that there was no point to chase me so they gave up and tended to their friend with the wound from my awesome throwing. The point to that story was obviously to clear my name and also to tell you all that kids really are little shits. Although you probably knew that anyway.

These Twitter train things also get on my testicles. It’s like, follow every fucking person on this motherfucking page and then you can have three more followers who don’t care about what you tweet. If people follow me, I would hope that it is either because they are interested in what I say, we know each other in real life or we have chatted before. Goddamn dickfaces!

</rant>

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