Maybe So…

May 29, 2009

The Elderly

Filed under: Life In General,Rants — squ1r3ll @ 1:43 pm
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Ok just a disclaimer at the beginning of this one as I don’t mean every old person out there pisses me off, just the ones who can’t be arsed. The old dude on Britain’s Got Talent is one of these. Whilst I think he’s a bit stupid for bouncing around and doing forward rolls on a stage in front of millions of people like a little twat, at least he is not sitting in his big, comfy armchair dibbling down his front and getting his kids to wipe it up for him. My grandparents are like this; my granddad plays golf avidly; each week he goes and plays 18 holes with some mates and then goes to the clubhouse after for a drink. He also goes to football games each weekend to support his team. My nan hardly ever sits down because she loves to work. She cleans and gardens all day or goes out to do the shopping whilst my granddad is at golf or the football.


Ok, let’s begin. First order of ranting is elderly drivers. Once again, not good elderly drivers and elderly drivers that actually can go the speed limit and indicate left when they are turning left but elderly drivers who must get to a turning and think ‘Well, if I’m going right… I think this time I’ll pull the flashy stick up…’ and they will either get the correct ‘stick’ but indicate the wrong way because they are dumb fuckers, indicate the correct direction and then turn in that direction (always praise the lord when miracles like that shit happen) or you will mysteriously see their windscreen wipers start going and then when the clunge-eating bum-fuckers realise that they have started their wipers, they will try to turn them off. This is where they always make them go faster before they figure out how to turn them off completely. If there was only one out of every twenty elderly drivers that did this, I suppose it wouldn’t be that bad because there wouldn’t be so many of them on the streets wheres I bet the actual numbers are more like eighteen out of every twenty. Another thing about elderly drivers is when they go to turn and they pull WAY the fuck to the right just to turn left and I start thinking ‘Why did you just do that?’ It’s not like the turn was hard or anything, they just felt the urge to stop both lanes of traffic for them to make a fucking turn! What a bunch of flange-dippers.

Secondly, why do elderly people think that they can have right of way with everything (possibly driving excluded for this one as then, they would kill someone)? E.g. In the shops if you’re in line waiting with the weeks shopping and an old lady comes up with her walking stick and tries to push in front of you. What the ACTUAL fuck is she doing? If it was a thirty year old man, he wouldn’t be allowed to do this but as she is past retirement age, she is just magically allowed to make everybody wait that little bit longer. No. I’m sick of this shit. Fuck off you up-tight old bastards! Not all of you do this but a fair few do so just don’t. Wait your motherfucking turn in the fucking line. What could you possibly have to do on this weekday? My nan cleans all day but she has the courtesy to wait her turn in line. It’s not like this eighty year old woman has some world-saving to do or something important. Fucking mouthbreathers!

Thirdly, old people who, contrary to the last point, just take… their… motherfucking… time… with… everything… that… they… do. It pisses me off so much! I was at the bank today ready to cash a cheque and take some cash out of my account when an old lady in front of me in line decided to not know her FUCKING PIN NUMBER! I mean, come on lady; I know your old and shit but your PIN number and your birthday are the things that you remember if you can’t remember fuck-all else. She put her card into the machine and the woman behind the counter said ‘Enter your PIN number and press enter for me please.’ So this woman looks slightly puzzled and then outs in a random four number combination and, get this, CROSSES HER MOTHERFUCKING FINGERS a she waits to see if her random collection of fucking number was acttually her PIN number. What a motherfucking mouthbreather. You could at least write your PIN down (whilst I know that this isn’t necessarily the thing to do, it’s better than holding up a queue of over ten people). Then, the obvious happened. ‘Sorry love, that wasn’t correct. Try again for me.’ So, dumb bitch tried another combination but didn’t press the enter button. ‘Just press the enter button for me love.’ Says the woman behind the glass. The mouthbreather then says ‘Oh, what’s the enter button again love?’ I thought that to fail the first attempt she had to press the fucking button. Dumb motherfucking mouthbreather took a whole minute and three bank staff to find the huge green button. Dumb motherfucker.


I think that’s all I’ve got on the topic of old people but I didn’t mean to offend (course not). If you were offended by this post, FUCK RIGHT OFF. Also, see the disclaimer at the top of the post. Bitches!

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