Maybe So…

May 29, 2009

Men Who Care Too Much About Their Appearance

Filed under: Life In General,Rants — squ1r3ll @ 3:09 pm
Tags: , ,

Disclaimer:

For this post, if I refer to anyone as a ‘pussy,’ ‘poof’ or any other homosexual slant, I probably mean it; so go fuck yourself.

<rant>

It begins… Alright, dudes like this just piss me off. They are the kind of people who put on fucktonnes of aftershave when, let’s face it, they don’t even shave yet. They’ve got their burberry aftershave in the little bottle that they say their uncle bought for £200 in Spain. We all know it’s bull shit. In most cases, I just use some ‘resources’ to find out the name and phone number of said twat-faces uncle, give him a ring, explain who I am and ask him about it. So far, 100% of the time, the answer has been, ‘No, why did they tell you that?’ I almost feel like saying ‘Because they are a massive twat and if I were you, I would be ashamed that my brother or sister had such a mouthbreather for a child. So, the next, I will go and confront this person and say that I spoke to their uncle and the uncle in question says that it is all bullshit and they will normally say one of two things:

1) ‘Well he is a heavy drinker. He must have been drunk and forgotten.’

2) ‘What the fuck were you doing calling my uncle you pedo?’ (Makes no sense, right? Their uncle is older than me and I’m the pedo? Right then mate, go smoke some more pot.)

I guess why this happens is that the mouthbreathers really can’t smell it. All they do all day is breathe through their mouth (hence the term ‘mouthbreathers’) and look like retards so they can probably taste it but smell it. If I walk into a public place and ll I can smell is deodorant of aftershave, I tend to look around for the dumb-ass poof that could possibly be so stupid and self-conscious that he put this much shit on. It’s normally the guys with those sweeping fringes that go from one side of their head to the other. Another kind of mouthbreathing giveaway is the knobs with those really fucking stupid blond side-Mohawk type things. Like they have had a blond stupid going from the front left of their head to the back right of their head. We have all seen these extremely dumb motherfuckers because they are usually loud and cocky but really, not funny. They try to impress all of the women when everyone but them can see that all of the women either look bored by them or murderous.

I don’t mean to be mean (weird choice of words there) but these knob-shafts just don’t know when to quit. They can try and impress women all night long with their ‘witty’ banter and then if someone goes up to them and asks them politely to shut the fuck up, they will say ‘But everyone here’s enjoying it’ at which point all of the nice, polite women just laugh and the bitchy women just either fuck off without a word or say something like ‘Were we fuck’ or ‘Nah mate, your just so full of shit I couldn’t help but listen to you’. That normally wipes the smile off their stupid mouthbreathing faces. Dumb motherfuckers.

</rant>

I think I kind of ran out of steam on that one. I might just do a part two sometime later on.

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